The Moment Everything Broke Open

It was very early in my separation — a time when everything already felt raw, disorienting, and unfamiliar. And then came a moment that cracked me open even more:

I was told I could see our three kids one weekend a month.

Those words hit my system like a bomb. My body went cold, then hot. My mind spun. My heart collapsed. It felt like the ground had disappeared beneath me, and my relationship with my kids was suddenly in jeopardy.

In that moment, something ancient lit up inside me — the conflict mind — and it did what it always does when it senses danger:

It made me the victim…
and her the villain.

How Easily We Create an Enemy

My hurt pulled forward a simple story:

“She’s controlling.”
“She wants to punish me for the separation.”
“She’s trying to take my kids away.”

I couldn’t imagine any other reason.
I couldn’t access her heart.
I couldn’t see any tenderness behind the decision.

I spent hours fuming.
Hours crying.
Hours replaying the moment, each time sharpening the story and deepening my position as the one being wronged.

This is what the conflict mind does.
It makes us righteous and makes the other person wrong.
It protects us — but in doing so, it strips away connection and nuance.

The Story I Couldn’t See Back Then

With time — and a lot of breath, reflection, and humility — something softened.

I wouldn’t choose that decision again.
I wouldn’t pretend it didn’t hurt.

But today, I can imagine the pain and fear that might have led her there:

• Fear of time away from the kids

• Fear of my closeness with them

• Fear of losing her sense of family

• Fear of not being with them every day

• Fear of change

• Fear of hurt

I don’t know her exact reasons — we haven’t had that conversation yet — but when I imagine her tenderness, her longing, her fear, something shifts inside me.

I no longer need her to be the villain.
I no longer need to be the victim.

Instead, I can hold both of our longings in the same space.
Both heartbreaks.
Both fears.

And in that balance, I’ve found something remarkably close to peace — even if only energetically.